The Longest Days

(Written June 23, 2018)

He greets me with
“Hello, Daughter!”
Unsure of my name,
he plays it safe.
Still clever, after all.

Remember me.
Help me remember.

I watch as he engages
in secret conversations
with the past.
Ghosts and visions
are his companions now.

Remember me.
Help me remember.

His eyes no longer see
what is before him.
His mind creates
what he needs.
Perception is reality.

Remember me.
Help me remember.

They say, “Go where they are.”
But how do I enter a world
of his own making?
I can only wait for his return,
time to time,
and listen as he talks
of his adventures.

Remember me.
Help me remember.

He tells me he loves me as I leave.
Words that never came easy
before disease opened a door.
Previously censored emotion
now for everyone to see.
Dark cloud meets silver lining.
We weather the storm.

Remember me.
Help me remember.

For Jack Blackwell, 1919-2004
I remember, Daddy, with love.
— Lolo

Clever Girl

(written June 23, 2018)

I see what you did.
It took me a while,
but I’m on to you now.
I thought you snuck out on us
in the middle of the night
while we were getting ready
for the long haul.

You left us.
You left him.
You left us with him.
We were prepared
to take care of you.
We were not prepared
to take care of him.

He was devastated
at the loss of you.
It did him in.
Finished him off.
His mind had to create
a new reality, one where
you were still here.

I thought you gave up,
threw in the towel.
I was wrong.
You stepped aside
for a reason.
“Here he is, kids,” you said.
“This is your father.

Get to know him
as I knew him.
Get to know the man.
Get to know his heart.
You will see why I stayed
as long as I could.
And why I had to go.”

I saw it today,
for the first time,
after 15 years.
Remembering him,
I remembered you.
And finally,
it clicked.

The last lesson
you taught us.
The last act of love.
“Get to know him
and you’ll get to know me.
You’ll get to know us.
And you’ll discover yourself.”

Oh clever girl.

Remembering on the Longest Day

I was going to start off the blog with an introduction to perceptiVision, the purpose, mission, etc.  Rather than just a big description of what it’s going to be, I thought I’d start with an example of what it is. Hopefully you’ll get an idea along the way of who we are, where we’re headed. I’ll save all that other stuff for later.

So, what are we up to?  My sister Jackie and I are dipping our toes in the waters of event hosting for a cause. We hope this will be the first of many such events, but we’ve been a little shy about it so far. We’ll do better when we get some practice. We tend to take things slow, at first.

The chief point of this first event is to stop and take note of the fight against Alzheimer’s and dementia. Our father, Jack, died back in 2004 after his own battle with the disease. It was just a year after our Mom died from heart disease. Yes, that will be a fundraiser, too.

See, part of my mission with this site, and with the path I’m taking at this point in my life, is to share resources and information about all kinds of issues, including health. I know whenever you are faced with bad news about your health, or that of someone you love, it can be so overwhelming. I hope to help you wade through all the information sources out there, and find what you need, including support, to make it through each day. We all face so many challenges, we have to help each other find our way, don’t you think?

I truly believe knowledge is power. So it’s my job to help you figure out what you have to do and how you have to do it, your way. I know from experience you can find peace even in the worst situations, and still find the humor and beauty that makes life worth the effort. With any disease, or life in general, there are good days and bad days. You try your best to push through those bad days, and treasure every good second you get.

I promise to be as honest as I can be with any of my own challenges (health and otherwise), and share anything at all that I can find that might make it a bit easier for you as you navigate your own twists and turns.

To start things off, this week we’re focusing on Alzheimer’s, and the fight for care, treatment, and a cure. Our way of marking The Longest Day, June 21st, is to have a little art party. We’re going to do some painting, drawing, maybe write a little poetry – basically whatever we feel like to best express ourselves, and to remember our father’s life. We’re not sure how many people will join us (like I said, we’re just getting started with this sort of thing), but even if it’s not  the biggest event ever, it’ll be a good day.

I’ve been looking to history a lot lately, finding out family stories from sisters, and even reading about this country, where the ancestors came from, how past generations lived.  I guess you could say I’m looking to the past to see where I’m going in the future.  In addition to painting or whatever creative activities we’ll be doing on Thursday, we’ll be remembering those stories and looking at old photos, sharing our perceptions of the past, our vision for the future. (See what I did there?)

I’m sharing one of my favorite pictures of my parents along with this post. It’s when they were just getting started back in 1940. Jack and Dorothy. It started with an airplane ride. Hope they’re flying around the stars now.

Take a moment and think of the people in your life that matter to you. And maybe create a little something just to add a little beauty to your life.